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[sticky post] creative works permissions

I haven't been withholding permission to do anything with my fic... more it just didn't occur to me, since I fic so rarely now, and I haven't got everything on AO3 (yet).

So, um, here's a permissions thingy, then:

Blanket permission to podfic as desired. I would be incredibly flattered.

Conditional permission to remix my fic: Please check with me first. Please no remixes of my fics or characterizations to include kidfic (unless it's canonical) or mpreg.

Cross-posted from DW


Not that the world was beating down my door to read my mostly-inactive LJ... but sadly, the spammers were. ETA: all comments are now screened, but my LJ is no longer Friends-locked.

I'm not that active online due to relapsing repetitive strain injuries (tendinitis) from years of non-ergonomic computer work, way before I became an RN. When I first became a nurse, we were still charting on paper. But now we use computers all day at work for patient charting... so it's making my tendinitis flare-up. Badly.

Hospital policy against nurses' use of personal cell phones except on breaks/lunch means I can't use my cell-phone at work (yet it never seems to apply to residents, interns, fellows or doctors, which is pretty bullshit if you ask me). Oh well, I can never get a signal in the old-ass buildings anyway. And since we don't get assigned individual computers, and all our work on them is monitored, and pretty much everything on AO3, LJ and DW is NSFW... well, my only time for fannish stuff is evenings, at home, after my work day has aggravated the tendinitis. /o\

But if you see something here you like and/or it looks like we've got stuff in common (like fic! and favorite shows!), friend away!

Fibromyalgia profiteers

I got an email a couple weeks ago about an online "summit" about fibromyalgia, with fibromyalgia experts. There were to be daily "talks" which you could watch as video or audio only for free, but only on the days those talks occurred.

Against my better judgment, I signed up for it. But it was the same old shit in brand new drag -- everything offered was just to link you to other stuff they wanted you to pay for from these same "experts." I listened to only the first day, which did not tell me anything I did not already know (and that you couldn't find by carefully searching the 'net and vetting the sources) -- and then I unsubscribed.

Now, of course, you can buy the whole summit for $140. Assholes. I sure as hell wouldn't spend $140 on their recycled information! because 1.5 massages or 3.5 chiropractice adjustments would do me way more good -- for the same amount of money!

Soaking people in chronic severe pain -- we who have already spent thousands of $$ on all kinds of over-the-counter, non-prescription pain and inflammation remedies and complementary and alternative treatments like massage, chiropractice, acupuncture and herbalists (most of which is NOT covered by insurance if you're lucky enough to have it) -- for yet more money just makes my blood boil.

The fact that it's often done by complementary/alternative practitioners makes me even angrier.

And the few MDs who purport to do research but then offer links to this crap on their web sites (and/or sell overpriced supplements of their own manufacture or with their name on them or their stamp of approval) completely invalidate and de-legitimize what little research they have done by revealing their own profit motive. I'm sure they get a cut for offering the links!

They talk about how mainstream medicine has downplayed FM and has yet to offer any definitive diagnostic criteria, or treatment or cure -- yet they're just as bad, in a different way.

It just really fucking pisses me off. Grrrrr!

Cross-posted from DW
Well, I've read all the Longmire Walt/Henry slash on AO3. There is a shocking lack thereof, which I feel I must rectify by writing some. I'm really surprised how little there is, though there is tons of Walt/Vic -- which, while I can certainly see the chemistry (but then who wouldn't have chemistry with Katee Sackhoff, really? lol), is a whole bag of tricks I'm not into as much, mainly because canonically she's kind of a trainwreck in terms of relationships, and Walt is so not... so I see that as being a volcano that would destroy everything in its path (including both of them)...

...and also because, damn, I just find the Walt/Henry chemistry to be the constant glowing embers of a fire that burns hot and then maybe simmers down for a while and then flares up again in a kind of "we don't talk about it BUT IT'S THERE" kind of way.

So if anyone knows of any Walt/Henry Longmire slash that isn't on AO3 and which I should read, by all means -- please let me know.

Also: recently saw a Spanish language film called "La isla minima" (aka Marshlands), a disappearance/mystery set in the Andalusian marshlands in 1980*.

Interestingly it pinged me like S1 of True Detective, with the same kind of desolate, isolated rural swampland horrors-beneath-the-surface vibe, but without the supernatural or philosophical stuff (and only slight slashy twinges). Apparently I'm not the only person to have felt the True Detective S1 vibe from it, though apparently it was in production before TD S1 was.

It is really good. I recommend it, if you don't mind subtitles. It is suspenseful and thought provoking.

*with all the textual and subtextual post-Franco dread that implies

Cross-posted from DW

Inherent Vice fic?

Having seen Paul Thomas Anderson's film Inherent Vice over the weekend (I missed it in theaters), I'm now tempted to tackle the source, Thomas Pynchon's novel. Joaquin Phoenix's performance reminded me somewhat of his similarly hapless role in Clay Pigeons (with Janeane Garofalo, back in the 90s), but of course here he's a stoner PI rather than the main suspect.

I really loved all the period details. I'm old enough that I remember some of the early part of my childhood, when hippies really *were* perceived as dirty, filthy degenerates and a threat equated with the Manson family, Viet Nam was a nightly horror on the news, and Nixon's paranoia colored the straight world's perception of everything (not to mention the casual police brutality of the times, which seems to have morphed over the decades from a policy of blanket brutality to superficial civil rights punctuated by frequent outbursts of "justified" lethal force... progress, not so much). So maybe I'll give it a shot, though I find Pynchon's stuff intimidating in general, probably because my ADD makes it hard enough to finish books... I do better with nonfiction these days, and I'm embarrassed to admit I got a gift of Pynchon's The Crying Of Lot 49 years ago, and just couldn't get into it.

But imo, there's a definite culture clashy slashy vibe between Doc the dirty hippie and Bigfoot the brutal LAPD cop--not helped by Bigfoot frequently sucking on chocolate covered frozen bananas around Doc often throughout the film. And their weird working relationship seems preslash, to me. I'm disappointed to find no Inherent Vice fanfic at all on AO3, much less slash. Of course now a plot bunny for them is rolling around my head... just what I need.

In other news, yesterday and last night I had a migraine so bad, I threw up a few times. And now I have these tiny petechiae (dots of burst blood vessels) all around both eyes from the force of the vomiting, like blood red freckles. If I were dressing up as a zombie, this would really work for that look. Instead, I'm maxed on concealer. At least my coworkers are all healthcare professionals. Though who knows what the patients work think if they saw them. And, realistically, my coworkers could also easily assume that the vomiting associated with the petechiae was from drinking to excess. Sigh...

Cross-posted from DW

Atheist Witnesses

This did not happen today.

(doorbell rings) (I answer door)

Me: Can I help you?

Her: Oh, we were just spreading the word--

Me (firmly): No, thank you.

Her: Well, we're going door to door to invite people to our church--

Me (even more firmly): I said, NO, thank you.

Her: Well--

Me: How would you like it if I went door to door, spreading the word of atheism? And I rang your doorbell and said, "Hello, here's a newspaper about how God doesn't exist, and you're all alone in the Universe, and everything you've ever been told about a kind and forgiving deity is brainwashing bullshit designed to separate you from your money, so that organized religions that protect and provide sanctuary to pedophiles and rapists can fill their coffers?"

Her: (speechless)I continue to go offCollapse )

Cross-posted from DW

New fic: dS, TW, and TW/TD xover fic

Since my tendonitis/epicondylitis got a bit better, I tried to light a fire under my own ass to finish two long WIPs.

I posted on AO3 excerpts of two longer fics -- one a dS WIP(RayK/Stella, RayK/Sam Franklin, eventual Fraser/Kowalski), and one a TW WIP (Derek/Stiles).

Then I wrote a Teen Wolf/True Detective Derek Hale/Rust Cohle crossover... uh, whoops? But I feel they would understand each other, these two. They have both lost so much, had so much grief.

All are technically unbeta-ed, though the dS WIP has been beta-ed somewhat (thanks Ride_Forever!).

Just Act Normal
Fandoms: due South
Words: 11,588
M/M, F/M
Tags: Sam Franklin/Ray Kowalski, Ray Kowalski/Stella Kowalski,
Rimming, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, First Time Blow Jobs, Sexual
Confusion, Bisexuality, Infidelity, First Gay Sex, Angst

Summary: Stella was gone. Sam was around. A lot. Ray realized pretty soon that he had a crush on Sam. A terrible, hopeful crush.

This Is What You Do (To Me)
Fandoms: Teen Wolf (TV)
Words: 2,163
Tags: Underage,
Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Masturbation, Voyeurism, Self-Denial, Come play

Summary: Derek's surprise visits usually involve shaking Stiles down for research. Anything else is an afterthought (chain-yanking). Stiles is fed up with it. So when he finds Derek in his room again, he shows him the door. Or, rather, window. At least, that was the plan.

Beautiful (Beast)
Fandoms: Teen Wolf (TV), True Detective
Words: 4,465
Tags: Rustin "Rust" Cohle/Derek Hale, Derek Hale, Laura Hale, Rustin
"Rust" Cohle, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anonymous Sex

Summary: "Show me," Rust murmurs. Derek lets his wolf out a little, just the eyes, the heavy brow, the fangs and sideburns. "Beautiful beast," Rust whispers. He slides down the back of the bathroom door to his knees. When he looks up with glassy eyes, Derek realizes it isn't just Rust kneeling at his feet. It's Rust and someone else. Rust has shifted, in his own way.

Cross-posted from DW
I'd hate to jinx myself but... after a month and a half of seeing a naprapath and following her exercise and nutrition regimen (mostly), I am starting to see some results. (The chiropractor has helped, too, as the shooting pain alternating with numbness/tingling that goes down my R forearm is probably, as he suggested, at least neck-vertebrae-nerve related (if not wholly to blame, which is his hypothesis, but I'm going to go with "major contributory factor").

I kind of thought the naprapath was, well, overselling the fruit-veg smoothie thing. Not that I thought she was lying, I just thought "It can't be THAT much of a difference, and I already eat those foods, anyway!") What can I say, I'm a skeptic at heart.

The idea that I'd have a spare $400 laying around to buy a Vitamix just for fruit/veg smoothies (when I'm still paying off radiology, doctor visits, and PT from December when I had shitty market place insurance with a $5000 deductible) was a no-go.

But I lucked into a "personal drink mixer" for $14.99 on sale while it was a temporary offering at my local Aldi's, put in my path by the universe/God/whatever about 1.5 weeks after she said I ought to start doing this and I investigated the cost of Vitamix, Ninja and the other one, and was like, "There's no way, not with the bills from December and the new bills from January/February."
Read more...Collapse )

But after 2 weeks of daily organic kale/mango or kale/mixed cherries, I felt so. much. BETTER. it was actually shocking how much better I felt. My mood improved a lot, which surprised the hell out of me. I was just hoping for a decrease in pain/inflammation. And I really didn't understand why the organic kale/spinach and avocados weren't doing the trick when I was eating them almost daily in salads. Apparently, blending the hell out of them into a smoothie and then drinking them helps you get more out of them! Who knew? Not me... not until recently.

I still haven't added the protein powder, but just the fruit/veg (and turmeric and Emergen-C) smoothies daily, combined with naprapathic manipulation every 2 weeks and weekly (or every 2 week) chiropractor visits has reduced the shooting pain &/or tingling/numbness from 15-20 x day to 2-5 x a day.

So excited! I actually have the energy to take the dog on long walks after I get home from work now, instead of just a 5 minute walk and then collapse on the couch after we get back (followed by letting him out on a 20' lead from my front porch).
Read more...Collapse )
It does not escape me that I, a Registered Nurse and representative of modern western conventional medicine, have been helped far more by "alternative medicine" than by conventional medicine.

OTOH, my new insurance through work with the lower deductible ($1,400 rather than $5,000 -- or the $6,000 my shitty marketplace plan was moving to) does not pay for "alternative medicine," so it's taking kind of a large chunk of money out of my life. But I don't go out much, and when I do, it's usually over to someone else's house or having them over to mine (less often), so it's not like I can't swing it, for the most part.

So this is what I make in the morning, EVERY morning:

fill personal drink cup with 1/2 organic baby kale OR organic baby spinach
fill with 1/2 organic defrosted frozen mango/mixed organic cherries
dump in 1 envelope of orange or berry flavored Emergen-C
add 1 teaspoon organic turmeric
fill 2/3 to 3/4 with unsweetened almond milk

I add no sweetener (the Emergen-C is sweetened -- it *says* with "fructose" but I'm not sure if that's really fructorse or HFCS (since food makers are now allowed to call HFCS "fructose")).

Sometimes I'll mix the mangoes and cherries together. Sometimes I'll use a banana or apple instead. Occasionally I've used celery instead of kale or spinach, just for variety and celery is supposed to be anti-inflammatory, too.

Every day, day by day, it's been helping.

Even if I'm only at 55-65% of my functioning -- hey, I was only at about 25-35% function two months ago, constantly in pain, and with no energy, barely able to drag myself to work and drag myself home. I had practically stopped socializing (except for phone convos, texting, and email).

This is so much better.


Cross-posted from DW
If being sick with upper respiratory infection for weeks hasn't been enough, the tendonitis which seemed to be getting better has now morphed into numbness and tingling that shoots down my right arm to thumb and index finger.

I keep thinking of the things I'll never do because of it and because it keeps coming back.

I will never write seriously. I probably never would have, given that fanfic dominated my creative output. But the possibility was at least out there ...before tendonitis.

I can never go back to playing music. I miss it so much sometimes (I didn't love playing violin, but I loved playing the piano) and violin skills translate to guitar, which I taught myself a little of... before tendonitis.

I can never go back to electronic art or even modern video editing (my first bachelors was a BFA in film/video and electronic media). I simply can't do all the mousing and keyboard work and knob twiddling necessary.

I will never be free of this weakness, this vulnerability that hampers all my creative outlets, the ones I love most. I feel I'm crippled for life. Every time I over do it, I am crippled by pain and dysfunction for weeks or months.

Professionally, I can never move up into management. I probably wouldn't have anyway (doesn't fit my personality) but the computer work (QA, data analysis, email) is impossible for me now.

They just offered me my boss' position (she's stepping down) and I will clearly have to decline. I probably would have anyway, but I would have liked to decline because I wanted to decline -- not because I physically can't do the work required.

I suppose I should thank my lucky stars that I can still start IVs on patients, as that is not a pain free activity for me, but it at least doesn't leave my arm aching the way the necessary computer charting does.

Speech to text helps a bit but is still so imperfect it requires a lot of correction which just strains my arm more. I can't imagine writing an entire novel-length work with speech to text. It would be as much work correcting the speech written text as it would typing the entire thing out.

If I owe you replies or messages, this is why. I'm only posting this because I'm already in so much pain it won't make much difference and I'm enraged and depressed at my fate.

Goddamnit. I hate this.

Cross-posted from DW
I'm going to gush now, so please forgive me. ( let me apologize now for the lack of cut text here. it's really difficult to do with speech to text, which I'm using because of my ongoing horrible flare up of tendonitis.)

I never used to watch telenovelas even though I was with a Mexican American man for 10 years, mostly because he hated telenovelas and I never was much into primetime soap operas, so I never watched them on my own.

That's why I was utterly unaware of the scruffy beauty of Demian Bichir until I started watching The Bridge from FX. (which I used to illegally download.) (I also didn't know that he was in Weeds, because I didn't have Showtime and I haven't had cable for years except for HBO which I've only had for the last two years as part of my internet service provider's high speed internet -- but only the HBO channels, nothing else). Now that Weeds is available streaming, I'm catching up.

(The Bridge is a gritty, cynical consistently very watchable cop show based on a Swedish original series, set on the border of Texas and Mexico, with Diane Kruger and Demian Bichir, and exploring all the corruption and interdependence that you would expect by the border. Sadly, it was cancelled after 2 seasons. I still highly recommend it.)

I still haven't seen most of the stuff that Demian Bichir has been in because most of it is telenovelas and most of it seems to be unavailable via Netflix or Amazon Prime.

But last night I had the chance to watch a movie called Death In Buenos Aires through HBO On Demand, in which Demian Bichir stars with a beautiful new young man, Chino Darin.

OMG, so slow build, slow burn slashy. And intentionally slashy -- it's part of the A plot because the murder they're trying to solve is of a known gay man.

NEVER thought that I would see Demian Bichir in something *intentionally* slashy, but I'm so glad! it's like a Demian Bichir dream come true.

Also, the director (Natalia Meta), and both producers are all women. So they're slashficcers, like us!

If you have the chance to see this movie, you really really should. yes, it has subtitles, and yes, it is in Spanish. but it is so worth it.

It's set in Argentina in the 1980s, when it was really corrupt (not really sure that's changed, but it was definitely really really corrupt then).

It's really suspenseful at building the slash, it's really suspenseful in solving the murder mystery, and it's really well done. It is by no means earth-shattering in terms of its philosophical import, but it consistently holds your attention.

And while elements of it are utterly cynical, there is a lyrical beauty to it and almost a surrealism of symbolism that makes it dreamy and beautiful in multiple parts. Where you know your instincts are telling you something important for your self preservation but you don't know exactly what, and you're torn between giving in to your paranoia and cynicism, and not only not wanting to believe in your worst fears, but also wanting to believe in the possibility of hidden dreams you've barely allowed yourself to sense.

WARNING: It does not have a happy ending -- in terms of fanfiction warnings, it would be a canonical character death, but that's the canon. Which just begs for fix it fic. Just sayin.

Oh my god, I want slash fic for Death in Buenos Aires so badly and there isn't any that I have found anywhere! not a single creative Google search has turned up any.

I think I'm just going to have to write it... after I get over this miserable bout of tendinitis. and of course after I finish my due south Secret Santa, and finish the other teen wolf story that I'm currently working on, and finish the unfinished work in progress for due south that I've had going for like over a year...

By the way, this is being posted courtesy of email posting and speech to text. So any errors are unintentional but I do not have the hand, wrist, and forearm strength or endurance to go back and fix them at this time.

I have an appointment Monday with our hand surgeon / hand specialist, so we'll see what he says. I'm lucky that I work with doctors and surgeons, because I explain my problem today, he examined my arms, and he wrote me a prescription for Celebrex to tide me over until my appointment.

with my insurance, which costs me $217 and change per month out of my own pocket (because I don't get coverage at my job because I'm a registry (float) RN who gets paid a higher wage with no benefits, no pension, no 401k), 15 pills of celebrex were $28. So, basically, nearly $2 a pill or $2/day (1 pill/day).

but I've been taking ibuprofen, 800 milligrams 3 times a day, and then I switch to naproxen, and they are barely making a dent, and the pain always comes back before I can take more pain medicine. Plus god only knows what both of those are doing to the lining of my stomach.

I can only imagine how much the Celebrex would have cost without insurance. and that was the generic price!

if I were keyboarding, I'd be key mashing about that.

Sent with AquaMail for Android

Cross-posted from DW


You are in a maze of twisty little passages
my fic on AO3 (not all of it, yet)

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